Birthday Wishes

Hey. It was my birthday on the weekend but the party’s not over. It’s still my birthday week.. my birthday month.. my birthday season… who’s in!?!

I turned the fabulous 42 with a group of gorgeous strangers at a spiritual/meditation retreat led by my brilliant cousin, Jill Prescott. It was so incredibly satisfying. I’m still processing most of what occurred but I can assure you that I left a better version of myself than I had arrived. (creds to Jill, not the birthday)

On my birthday during one of my meditative walks, I picked up every dandelion I could find and made birthday wishes. And we’re talking FIELDS of dandelions!! (the odds are in my favour). Obviously I can’t tell you my wishes (rule #1 of birthday wishes) but each one was pretty much the same and each wish was something that only I could give myself. (although if you’ve already bought me a present, I’ll accept that too!)

Notes to self (feel free to listen, or not):

1. Never stop learning. (Do we even have a choice?) This month I started my journey back to college (see previous post), participated in a truly beautiful online writing class (I still might have outstanding assignments.. Oops!), spent a couple days at a work training event and then as mentioned, this weekend I was at a retreat. And no, it was not the retreat where you get pedicures and served wine but rather a ‘meditate and do the work’ kinda shindig and not for the faint of heart. Side note: scheduling all of these opportunities in such a short time frame may be just a tad (read: eye twitch city) overwhelming so next time I think I’ll try learning at a slower pace. Bottom line: Keep your mind open for opportunities of growth.
2. Take pee breaks. Don’t be so eager to get to the end of your journey that you forget to look around. Stop at the scenic lookouts along the highway. Appreciate where you are right now. This is definitely not new advice but currently it’s just so hard. I have a clear vision of what I want. And I want it desperately. I can see it. I can feel it. I can taste it. It’s so damn close. I’m inching my way closer but it’s still out of reach and (begrudgingly) it’s out of reach for good reason. In the meantime, I keep getting stuck in that vision of where I think I should be and it puts blinders on my ability to thoroughly enjoy the place where I am. This weekend, during my 800 km return trip, I took the scenic route on the way there (I much prefer farmland to highways) and on the trip home I made an impromptu decision to visit some good friends I haven’t seen in ages. Sure, it delayed my arrival on either end but the process fed my soul. And besides, I really had to pee! PS. If you don’t take pee breaks, your ride will be super uncomfortable and potentially have a very messy ending! So stop. Breathe. Look around. And soak up the space you are in.
3. Fuck Fear and Fly. Notice my bracelet in the photo? I ordered it a couple of weeks ago as a birthday present to myself. Check out Brave Sparrow – her work really resonates with me. I have a pretty steady baseline of fear running through my veins at all times. The intensity varies but it’s always there in the back ground. And I get it. The fear is serving it’s purpose to keep me safe. (Thanks Jill) But that doesn’t mean I need to just accept it and let it run my life.  I did a mini vlog about facing my fear about 3 years ago. I bought this bracelet because I need that reminder right now. Ironically, I need it at about the best time in my life. When someone asks me “Yo Erica, how’s life?” (’cause sometimes I think I live in an episode of Friends) .. I think I actually glow. “Things are so fucking great.” But yet, I’m terrified. Does this resonate with you? First you’re scared good things won’t happen and then life gets so good that you get scared you’ll lose it. It’s so completely fucked up and yet so tragically normal. So yeah.. Dear Fear: I accept that you are part of my life and are serving your purpose but Fuck you, I’m still gonna fly.

xo,
e

Twitter: @pixiepaperdoll7
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PS. For those who were trying to reach me on the weekend, my phone was out of data. Thanks so much for your messages –  I can’t wait to sit down and read them all! But I’m about 2 months behind in my correspondence and I’m in process of unpacking and repacking for the 3rd time this month so… hang tight and take lots of pee breaks while you wait!

PSS. If you live in Ontario – GO VOTE!!  Read about your candidates. (Never stop learning). Ask questions about issues that matter to you and VOTE!!