Spring Rage

Spring has sprung. The birds are singing. The sun is warmer. And I am angry. It’s been a long, cold, hard six months. I’ve spent them buried under heaps of winter hibernation trying to get through each day and put on pants, and leave the house and talk to people. But I’m starting to thaw…

Collapsed.

Lucy and I had a heart-to-heart the other day. “Well Goose, this is one of the last days with just the two of us hanging out while the kids at school. Our quiet snuggling days are coming to an end.” She stared straight ahead in repudiation, but her ear twitched so I knew she heard…

I’m Aware.

It’s Suicide Awareness Month and let me tell you, I’m aware. I understand the benefit and importance of such months but sometimes I just want to say ‘go fuck yourself, September.’ In part because much of what I see on the internet, indicates that if we were to just listen more, we could save the…

Happy birthday – the kids are alright.

Happy birthday Jason, This year we celebrated your day in typical birthday style; with your favourite food (meat!) and a round of “Happy Birthday Dad” before diving into cake. As always, we talked about you lots (do your ears burn in the afterlife?) and shared funny memories, most of which have been told millions of…

Three Years…

Dear Hoop, This coming Saturday marks three years since your death. Three years of replaying every last conversation we had. Three years of seeing you through my rearview mirror as you buckled up the kids and said good-bye for the last time. Three years of watching you live and breathe in our kids. Three years…

I run to lose weight….(wait for it…)

I got home from an exceptionally long Monday & was on the brink of shrugging off my originally planned run. Excuses were there for the taking: I was tired. (Yeah I know..join the club). I’d already missed the last 4 days..what’s one more? I can’t leave the kids for another 30 minutes, that’s poor parenting….

March is for madness.

  I don’t know about you but I am not at my best in March. All of my strategies to get through the long dark winter have been tossed aside along with the chip wrappers, wine bottles and dirty casserole dishes. I’m tired. I’m hiding an extra layer of fat under my sweat pants and…

Sunshine gives me superpowers.

I woke up this morning before 6am.  I felt more awake than I had in months. I felt refreshed. I felt like my skin was going to explode in energy. As I let this feeling wash through me I recited my gratitude list, which was soon backed up by the harmonies of the honking geese flying…

Approaching Doomsday

A couple weeks ago, one of the kids asked me how long it had been since…you know.. Daddy… I said that we were coming up to 2 years. “What’s the date?” “May 6th” “I don’t want that day to come. I don’t want it to be another year without him.” From that point on, it’s…

Unicorns – by Moxie

On Monday morning, first day of March Break, I was in the bathtub getting ready for the day when Moxie (my 9 year old) came in and sat on the floor beside me. “Mom, I wrote this thing a while ago but just decided that I wanted to share it with you,” In my head…