No sharp edges

Have you ever heard a new idea or concept and thought:

This resonates so hard, I’m vibrating.

That is how I felt when I first listened to the Desire Map intro podcast by Danielle LaPorte.

Basically the premise is that you identify your core desired feelings and use them as a guiding post in life.  Focus on how you want to feel, rather than what you want to achieve.  (And I am a big time feeler from way, way back!)

I haven’t completed the program (yet) but I have listened to the 3-hour overview podcast about a dozen times this month (maybe it’s time to splurge and buy the book!). Since then, in times of emotional turmoil, my inner voice has shifted from ‘ugh. I feel shitty’ to ‘how do I want to feel right now’. Sometimes I scream back “NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!” but then I stop. Breath. And regroup.

“I want to feel peaceful.”

Believe it or not, it works.

And if I’d written this post last week, I would have told you how empowered and in control I felt. (In fact, I actually did brag a bit on IG) How despite the fact that I am taking on a multitude of new projects, I’m excited and managing shit like a rock star. I was focused on my desired feelings and dammit, I was feeling them.

However.. that was last week. Currently I am actually writing this in the midst of a two day, melodramatic, all-consuming, foot-stomping funk.  And let me tell you, this falls into the “This is not how I want to feel” category!

I often hate going public when I’m feeling shitty because inevitably I receive the well intentioned advice to use positive affirmations and to look on the bright side of things. But the idea of telling myself to focus on the positive, kinda makes me gag. I never really knew why it felt so icky to me (I mean, what’s wrong with being positive?) But Danielle nailed it when she said, in these situations,  ‘positive affirmations can feel like a bullshit pickup line.’

#Preach

The last thing I need right now is fake cheer. (insert your favourite fake news joke).

In order to feel better (read: get myself centred), I will focus on my core desired feelings. By reminding myself of how I really want to feel, I haven’t invalidated what’s currently happening. This is key for me – I’m a firm believer of moving through every emotion rather than dodging them.  It also interrupts my mental complaining voice and points me into the direction of what I really want. This will inevitably lead to positivity (in it’s proper place) and open my heart to what is possible.  And in the words of Danielle it can help me ‘lighten up and stop being an asshole.’ Hey Danielle – you should meet Jen Pastiloff (if you haven’t already) – she has an awesome “don’t be an asshole” segment which I borrowed for a video blog once.

A couple of weeks ago, I met my fabulous pal for a writing date on my lunch break. We started with a stream of thought writing process and then finished with haikus ’cause

  1. I only had 4o minutes to write
  2. who doesn’t love a good haiku
  3. haikus remind us of our missing (sniff) writing date comrade who is currently residing on the more summery side of the world

My stream of thought turned out to be a ramble about what I wanted 2018 to feel like. I had only just begun listening to Desire Map but it had already seeped into my ink. I wrote about how 2018 would feel calm and smooth. Not to be mistaken with boring. (I gots to have intensity and adrenaline in my life!) There just wouldn’t be any sharp edges. Nothing poking me in the gut that cuts into my breathing.  No sharp edges into my thoughts that give me headaches and pulsing anxiety.  I want to feel…smooth. As I played around with my words, I saw the rounded corners in 2018. I turned my page sideways, the 8 became an infinity symbol. And suddenly, the possibilities were endless.  I want to feel empowered.  I want to feel calm. I want to feel divinely feminine. I want to feel free. I want to feel happy. I just want to feel what I want to feel.

Year twenty eighteen
No sharp edges to be found
Giggles. Breathing. Calm.

Xo,

e

Twitter: @Pixiepaperdoll7
Instagram: @PixiePaperDoll
#TeamAdventurers

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s